Wow....it feels like I haven't been on this thing in almost a year. OH WAIT! It has been almost a year!! Oops....;)
So, this morning I was going through my little "God box". Last fall the kids in my church worked on making "God boxes". My friend, Shayna, came up with idea that the kids should have a tangible thing that they can place all of their thoughts, problems, ideas, hearts' desires--everything in. It was a place where they could be completely transparent to God. They could put in songs, pictures, journal entries--pretty much whatever they wanted to aim to God. So, I made one with them. At the time I was the y.g. leader, and I thought it was a BRILLIANT idea. So, off and on throughout the course of the past eight months, I have placed little "God letters" inside my box, tucking them away until now.
I was reading through one of my letters, trying to transfer it into a notebook I just bought, just so I could make room for more. And I came across one from November of 2010. It was a very transparent entry. At the time I had been going through some emotional issues. Actually, this was at the near end of it. But that day, something really good happened. It was little, but it mattered. It was the beam of light in a dark room. So, I was thankful.
Towards the end, I started listing off what I wanted: not to be caught up in religion, but learning how to love instead. Love myself, love those around me (people who come in and out of my life....even those who I just see one day in the grand scheme of the rest of my life), and love God. Then I wrote: "I want to love others the exact way they are, without any thought in my mind of changing them in the end; I want to love them today as though they were greatness. I want to know that they may never change and STILL love them. I want to love without alternative, religious motives."
That peaked up a thought in my mind. It actually sparked a little idea relevant to a lot of what's going on today. How can we love if we don't even know what love is?
There has been a lot of tension going on between the church world and the "secular world" for ....how long??? Lately, (let's not kid ourselves....this has always been an issue) there has been tension between brother and brother, sister and sister. It's been like a battlefield. One person will go off saying, "If you watch tv, you're DESTINED for hell." while the other will be like "Chilllll.....God looks on the heart. Focus on the heart before you even try to focus on the outward." (those are both exaggerations of what's been going on....probably not completely accurate examples, but you get what I'm trying to say.) And every time I read a post with such harsh arguments--back and forth, back and forth--I get upset. I'm very emotion based, I've come to realize. It upsets me. I don't understand why Baptists can't get along with Pentecostals, why Non-denominationals can't get along with Churches of God, why foursquares can't get along with Catholics. (I'm not accusing any of those denominations, I'm just trying to make a point.) It upsets me. It upsets me the LACK of respect a lot of people in whichever of those denominations....or OTHER denominations have towards people who believe differently. So, it upsets me. It upsets me because I have family members, co-workers, friends who do NOT believe the same way I do. And I don't expect them to. I don't push myself on them. And I know that for some of them, those people who DO push themselves on them also pushes them AWAY. So, all this bickering between denominations, between religions, between "religious" vs "secular"--it all upsets me.
And I have friends who are caught up in all of that. I won't lie, I have been too at points--again, it gets a rise out of me.....so, saying that I don't get caught up in all of it would be a lie. But then I thought about the love aspect. I feel like there's been so much quarreling, so much emotion involved that I've lost sight of what I think I'M missing. Love. I think some of them have too, but I'm the one we're focusing on right now. I'm the culprit in my own house. Don't expect change in the world unless you can first better yourself.
Then I read what I wrote: "I want to love others the exact way they are, without any thought in my mind of changing them in the end....." We have forgotten what love is. We've gotten so caught up in the babbling and bickering and fighting and opinions that we've lost sight of what love is: it's kind, it's patient, it doesn't envy, it doesn't boast, it's humble, it doesn't DISHONOR people, it isn't "self seeking", it doesn't get angry easily, it doesn't keep a record of wrongs, it doesn't delight in bad but gets excited about the truth, it protects, it trusts, it hopes, it perseveres. That's the definition of love. It's not always going to be an emotion. Sometimes you just have to set out the action: being kind, being patient, being humble.
I think we're blindsided by the "legality" of things. If we don't agree with someone, we have to slam them down. No, that's not kind. That's not humble. That DOES dishonor people. It's not love. "I want to love others the exact way they are, without any thought in my mind of changing them in the end..." I still want that. I wish I was BETTER at it, but I'm growing. It's hard not to let your emotions sway you or lead you. Queeeeeeen of Emotions!!! Ask the boyfriend. ;) But if we ever expect to make any positive dent in this world--a dent that isn't purely based off of financial success or some type of numerical success--we need to learn how to love. So, yeah, we should change for the better.....but it can't come just from making a list of things we have to change. It's a heart thing. It should come out of love. A love for people. A love for self. A love for God. I don't want to have anything to do with another religious "change" until I serve those three.
Just my thoughts. Let's hear yours.
